Diary of a Queen

You like the chase. No matter how you try to convince us otherwise, you like it. You thrive on it. If you didn’t, when we make ourselves available to you, you wouldn’t lose interest in us. We tell you no; you try to figure out how to get us to say yes. Yes to a date; yes to a kiss; yes to it all. Why? Because you have the need to feel like you are in control; like you ‘won’.

You say you don’t want to play games; you say you want us to just tell you what you want, to be straightforward. But you don’t really. You are as traditional as we are. You want to chase, and we want to be chased. That’s right; we like it when you chase us. We get a little thrill out of telling you no, just to see if you will come back and try a little harder. We want to see if you are serious about what you want. Are you motivated enough to work a little for what you want? Because we are worth it, and we know we are worth it. But the question is: do you know it? You aren’t going to tell us; and to be honest, if you did, we’d probably think it was game anyway. Oh sure, you can fake showing it. But you can only keep it up for so long. We’ll let you chase us a little bit, just to see if you will.

It can be dangerous on either side. You may be chasing with bad intentions. We may just be stringing you along. That doesn’t last very long though. Someone will wise up or someone will get bored if the chase isn’t going as they intended. There will be an equal balance in a ‘true’ chase. You’ll pursue, we’ll give in just a little, but keep you chasing after more. In time, you will catch us. By then, we’ll realize we should be chasing something together.

As a fan of the Bert Show, one of today’s bits was about how to properly celebrate your 21st birthday. I thought it was a really cute bit, until the intern whose list was being aired today included kissing 21 hot guys the night of celebration

Hold on, stop wait please. Kiss 21 guys in ONE night?! Ewwwww!!! I haven’t kissed 21 guys in my lifetime.

I can’t say that one race over another is prone to this way of thinking, but I only hear about it from one. Why is it that *blank* people think nothing of kissing perfect strangers? Not a kiss on the cheek greeting type kiss, I mean make out with the hottie you met in Vision an hour ago.

I think kissing is such an intimate thing. Honestly, I find it almost intimate that the actual act of sex. It’s such a deep soul-baring type of sharing. The mere thought of someone’s lips that I don’t know coming near mine… OMG someone better stop him before I tear his face off. Really, I don’t understand how anyone can kiss someone that they don’t have some type of romantic attachment to. If anyone can shed some light on this one, by all means, please do.

You know you got it bad when you get tongue tied just writing about someone

One person should not relate to T.V. characters so much. I have found myself within quite of few of the Grey’s Anatomy cast throughout the season. At the moment, my name is Meredith. The guy she is recently involved with called her ‘scary and damaged’ the other night and she insisted on denying his view of her. Yet, the moment he tried to pry into her world just a little, she clammed up and left the discussion quite open and unaddressed.
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Bloghopping landed me at The KajauanaShow this morning. This particular post got my attention and of course I can’t help but spill my two cents on this issue.

So is homosexuality something you are born with or a development of life experiences? My answer is: both. I think it varies for some people. I know people who say they knew at such and such and age that they were attracted to the opposite sex. Then others have had some type of “encounter” and never looked back. Is one lying versus the other? Who the hell am I to say? I believe in both scenarios.

Here’s my thing: labels. Hate them. They are stupid and pointless and are the creation of a closed minded individual. “If a person is attracted to the same sex then they are gay.” “If a person has sex with the same they are gay.” “If they are attracted but don’t act on it, they are still gay.” Hold up, stop, wait a damn minute. Why are people so insistent on putting a definition on someone’s sexuality? Are you telling me that I have to be gay because I am attracted to men and women? Well what if I only sleep with one of them. Hell what if I sleep with both of them. What does that make me, gay? Straight?Bisexual? Trisexual? Come on, stop that!

How about this? How about people stop worrying about frivolous things that don’t relate to their own life and take car of themselves and their families. Last time I checked homosexuality is not contagious. Being around someone of an opposing sexuality will not “turn you gay”; just like being around someone of the opposte race or gender will not turn you either. You are who you are and they are who they are. Being around any other person that is different from you is an enlightening experience. They have the same morals, goals, joys, and pains as the rest of the heterosexual world. And if it isn’t then you are doing yourself an injustice. Take them out of the box you have been trying to fit them nice and neatly into and see what you can learn from them.

Is it socially acceptable to have a stand-in, imaginary boyfriend until you get a real one? Ok let me rephrase, that sounds a little crazy. He’s not imaginary; he is a real person; I just don’t know him personally. His name is Dwele, and I fell in love with him about as fast as he fell in love with me ( “I Think I Love You”) . He’s been serenading me, telling me how if I keep on doing me just I do me, he’s gonna have to make “that change” (”Keep On”). He acknowledges his pimpin’ dreams(”A Pimp’s Dream’s”), but recognizes the reality of long lasting love (”Old Lova”) and comes back home to me. He’s making me feel special about nothing at all just me (”My Lova”) . But most of all he’s a man that’s all about love, real love and those are a type that is few and far between nowadays. I’m gonna hold on to him tight until somebody comes along to do what he does.

It could just be my imagination, but I swear it seems like every three months or so I get a call or email or text or IM from some guy I have dated at some point who wants to explain to me how they have reevaluated and reinvented themselves and want to show me how they have “changed”. I don’t really get it. Do guys run down their contacts and decide to just get back in touch and see what jumps off? It’s pretty amusing actaully…especially when the same one does it every few months or so.

With me there’s not much going back. I won’t say never, but you have to really, really be “in the door” to have any opportunity at coming back for a second go round. And if you are looking for a third, you may as well stop wasting your time. Do guys really think we are that needy? Or is it that some of us are and make it harder for those who aren’t?

Diasgree as you may, the “good man” that most of us women have been taught to seek as a mate is almost as endangered as the African Elephant. Let’s define a “good man” - attentive, loving, trustworthy, faithful, and intelligent. Now of course, every woman has her own unique qualities that she’d add to that list, but a “good man” embodies the forementioned qualities.

Now let’s be honest, how many of us know men who fit into that mold 100%? Take a minute and think about it. Each.and.every.quality. I don’t know of a single one. Sure there are those who embody most of the qualities that a “good man” posseses, but to find it all in one package? That’s almost like hitting the Lotto; the possiblity is highly improbable. Yet, day in and day out women spend countless amounts of time and money on looking for and trying to keep their “good man” once they have found him. Because there are plenty who perpetrate as a “good man”. They show us everything we want to see, everything we want them to be. Why? Because it’s to their advantage. There’s no doubt that there are some that are just about games and breaking women’s hearts and crushing their spirits. But there are plenty who do indeed love the woman they are with, and don’t want to see them hurt. But the bottom line is, they can’t be what they aren’t. They can’t force something that isn’t within them. So where ever their fault lies, sooner or later, it will surface. And we as women must cope, in whatever manner we choose; be it leaving, or forgiving or just accepting. But it is the way it is regardless of how we deal with it.

So the question is, can we as women save ourselves from being hurt by the discovery that our “good man” doesn’t really exist? Will we ever realy accept this fact? We see the evidence of it everywhere we turn. Ignoring television, think about real life relationships we come in counter with. The writing is clearly on the wall. Do we do like the Romans do and creep too? Do we neglect those that negelct us in hopes that they one day see the error of their ways? Or do we lie down and take it and grin and bear the pain we feel? Staying with a so called “good man”, sooner or later, we all face that decision because it is inevitable. Or do we give up and say its not worth it? Loving and being loved is not worth the potential devistation and avoid relationships all together. Never letting anyone close to you, immersing yourself in other things to keep “busy”.

Only you as a woman, can decide how you will cope with this reality. Because it is not going to change, it is not going to go away. You can learn to live with it. You can choose to run with it. Each and every relationship will prove different. The results may not always be the same. But the constant in the equation is that it will happen. NO matter how “good” you think he is; know that you will find in time that he is not. The options are endless. The choice is yours alone. What will you do?