Diary of a Queen

I’ve not healed as I’d hoped I would from the spill I took last month. The first few days were bad but I ‘took it like a man’ and hobbled along on my ankle. After a week it was still uncomfortable, but manageable. Three weeks later, it was still only at manageable and I realized this was a bigger problem than I initially thought. The fact that I couldn’t get along without an Ace bandage and was still sleeping with it elevated to keep it level was a clear indication that it was not getting better. So I made the decision to see a doctor last Thursday.

The doctor’s prognosis was not bad, but not good either. It’s been declared as a sprain, however, there’s a concern that it may possibly be a hairline fracture that’s not showing on the x-rays. And so I’ve been sent to physical therapy to set in motion the necessary steps in the event an MRI is needed to further evaluate the problem. This alone worried me. The thought of a fracture didn’t scare me. The feeling that I can’t wear my heels for an extended period of time however did.

I wear heels. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. I wear heels to bowling, knowing I’m going to take them off. I wear heels to the mall. I wear heels to work and party and chill. Ok, not to Walmart or the park, I’m not that bad. But you get my drift. I.Wear.Heels.

So the thought of not being able to wear them shook me a little bit. But I figured I’d just pick up a few basic pairs of lower heeled shoes and be good to go. Not completely flat, so I can still rock a heel.

I went to the physical therapist yesterday. She poked and pushed and pulled and apologized the entire time. She determined that I’ve done some ligament damage. I heard the words ‘walking boot’ and I almost lost my breath. I asked if the walking boot was an absolute requirement. If she said it was, then I’d wear it. I don’t want to do any more damage to my foot in my vanity. She said had I come in immediately after the fall, they certainly would have put me in one to immobilize my foot and ankle. At this stage in the game she didn’t see what difference the boot would have versus a lace up ankle brace. The brace will keep my ankle immobilized yet still functional. She doesn’t forsee that I’ll need surgery, which would be the only reason to put me in the walking boot now. So I was thankful for that. I asked if I would have to stay out of all heels completely. She didn’t say zero heels, but she didn’t recommend them either. She said the arch in the heel will slow down the healing process so I need to limit the amount of time I spend in heels or walking altogether. No malls, no parks, no extended amount of time on my feet. All my mind heard was ‘no heels’.

I’m trying to grasp the thought of life without heels. I’ve become comfortable enough in every day clothes and sneakers. I picked up a couple pair of these type shoes so I’m good as long as I have on jeans for a casual setting.

How will I dress for work though? Or going out? I can’t do loafers. Loafers?
I am not a loafer kinda girl.

I’ve thought about ballet type shoes, but these really aren’t me either.
I don’t know how to wear these shoes. I don’t know how to walk in these shoes. Hell, I fell in flat shoes. I need heels to live.

These next few months are going to be a serious challenge for me. I can’t say I am going to stay out of heels completely. I can not commit to that. I am going to wear them as infrequently as possible. But you can’t take me out of heels. That’s like taking water from plants, like taking sugar away from Kool Aid…dammit that’s like taking Smoochie cookies from Tiff and Shelly. You just can’t have one without the other. I may be knocked out of my heels for a little while, but we shall be reunited!