Diary of a Queen

Work is still my excuse to post “filler”. I thought this was really cute, so I’m sharing.

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, “I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it.”

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.

And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat
sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison.

She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn’t let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or ever arrested for any crime.

It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.

I think that is what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms!

I could post a real entry but I got so much going on with work, that it would just take too much energy to talk about it. In the meantime, I see this email that describes people based on their birth month about three darn months. My month always is rigth on point so I’ll post it. I’ll catch you on on work-life issues once all the dust settles.

———-FEBRUARY BABY ——————–
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goal s. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

You like the chase. No matter how you try to convince us otherwise, you like it. You thrive on it. If you didn’t, when we make ourselves available to you, you wouldn’t lose interest in us. We tell you no; you try to figure out how to get us to say yes. Yes to a date; yes to a kiss; yes to it all. Why? Because you have the need to feel like you are in control; like you ‘won’.

You say you don’t want to play games; you say you want us to just tell you what you want, to be straightforward. But you don’t really. You are as traditional as we are. You want to chase, and we want to be chased. That’s right; we like it when you chase us. We get a little thrill out of telling you no, just to see if you will come back and try a little harder. We want to see if you are serious about what you want. Are you motivated enough to work a little for what you want? Because we are worth it, and we know we are worth it. But the question is: do you know it? You aren’t going to tell us; and to be honest, if you did, we’d probably think it was game anyway. Oh sure, you can fake showing it. But you can only keep it up for so long. We’ll let you chase us a little bit, just to see if you will.

It can be dangerous on either side. You may be chasing with bad intentions. We may just be stringing you along. That doesn’t last very long though. Someone will wise up or someone will get bored if the chase isn’t going as they intended. There will be an equal balance in a ‘true’ chase. You’ll pursue, we’ll give in just a little, but keep you chasing after more. In time, you will catch us. By then, we’ll realize we should be chasing something together.

I go home every year in the summer, for one reason or another. This year, I’m going for my ten year high school reunion. I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone, even the people that I had some beef with. It’s been ten years and it was high school, I could care less about that stuff. I was pretty quiet my freshman and sophomore years. I knew many people, but ran with very few. My junior and especially senior years, I came out of my shell a little more and socialized more. So I am anxious to see who comes.
(more…)

Stress = Urges to shop incessantly

Not a good thing…lol

In the midst of a phone conversation, I told a close friend of mine that I loved him and wanted to see him happy. The boy, overhearing my end of the conversation, sat in the backseat and began to cry silently. I couldn’t imagine what he was cryiong for besides just being tired. When I asked him, he replied by asking me who it was that I told I loved them. Before I answered I asked him why, and he wanted to know if it was a guy or a girl. Curious, I asked him “what if it’s a girl? Is that ok?” And he said that it was. But if I was a guy, then he’d be upset. Inside I couldn’t help but laugh, but I respected his honesty. This back and forth led to a conversation about who he feels it is ok for his Mommy to love and who it isn’t. This list of who isn’t includes people who lie all the time and people I don’t like ( I really love his logic)

The boy then asked me a question that I really didn’t see coming. “Do you like my Daddy?” Oh.my.damn. How do I answer this? Do I lie to my six year old for him to later find out that Mommy can’t stand the thought of Daddy breathing? Does he already really know that and just wants/needs to hear Mommy say it? Do I respect my son for the intelligent little person he is and tell him the truth in a way that his six year old mind can grasp? Time seemed to stand still while I thought long and hard on this one. He deserved for Mommy to be honest with him without being hurtful, and I decided to give him that. I explained to him that Mommy and Daddy don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things and because of that, I don’t like Daddy. I’m not sure what response I expected from him, but I don’t think crying was it. It wasn’t the ‘I fell and hurt myself’ kind of cry. No this was the ‘deep down in my little soul’ cry. I asked him why he was crying and he told me very plainly because I don’t like his Daddy. When I asked him why he felt it was so important that I like his Daddy, his response was “because he is family”. Sigh. How do you explain that his Daddy is family, but he certainly positively is my life was dependant on it, NOT my family. There has never been a harder moment then talking to my little boy, who for a moment in time was a little man, about how his Mommy and Daddy don’t have to like each other, but that they will always love him. I gave him the respect his little six year old self deserved and told him that I understand and respect his feelings. I told him that Mommy will always love him and do everything she has to do to take care of him, and because of that, I can’t always like Daddy. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love Daddy because eh loves you. (Talk about a SERIOUS internal struggle.) I asked him if he understood and I waited to be sure that he did. Thankfully I know that when he doesn’t understand he will admit it to me. He dried his tears and the rest of the ride was all smiles.

I know he hasn’t forgotten the conversation, and won’t for some time. It is one that I will never, ever be able to put aside. No parent should have to have the conversation I had with him. They shouldn’t have to explain a love that they should be able to see firsthand everyday. I’d like to think the entire concept is beyond the understanding of a six year old. However, my baby boy is my demonstration that it is not.